So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
