I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
bring money and cleavage
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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