you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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