I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
