I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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