she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
