Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
