Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
