I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
