Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
