Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
