I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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