You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
