Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
