If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
