Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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