Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
