if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
