I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it hurts more in the daytime
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
