I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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