drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
