I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
