my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
