This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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