i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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