hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
