RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
