Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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