the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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