I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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