I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
