You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
