You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
