My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
