I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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