end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
