I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
