I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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