You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
