the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We have started to decorate penises.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
