Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
