apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
