im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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