Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
