why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
