bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
