thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
