do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There r osticjed everywhere
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
