took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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