I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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