she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
