Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
