In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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