I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
