Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
