cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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