There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
